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there really isn't any fun to waking up and crying, like i did this morning. i know that other people have to go through the same things.. but god this whole distance is killing me. between my family and the craziness that ensues from having my big brother move in with my mother.. god i'd give anything to not have to deal with him right now. I love my brother, but he will deliberatly be an asshole.

I just feel like what I'm doing right now isn't the way that I want to go in my life.. like i'm currently (beyond the student loans i owe) 1.3K in debt to the school. o_O I'm not quite sure HOW but I am. They said that there would be money to cover that at the student financial office in december before I left to visit theo.. now it still says the same exact amount. My work study (even if i worked it all >>;) would only be 750$. -sigh- that still leaves around 500$ to pay off.

Mind you, my last job lasted one weekend and wore me out so much that i was in constant pain.. that and when my sugar is low i will write 2+2=16. If I get stressed out my ibs kicks in.. so yeah. -sigh- i don't know what the hell to do about all of it.

I physically feel better when we're together.. because I don't get as stressed out.. as wound up. I laugh so much more... I talk more and I'm more creative. I mean he's a complete dork but I love him. I don't know what to do anymore.. I'm so close to my degree.. but if I can't pay them off I can't graduate anyway next year.. so what the hell am I supposed to do?



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May 2009
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