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If you had me alone, locked up in your house for twenty-four hours and I had to do whatever you wanted me to, what would you do with me? All comments will be screened because it's a secret. And, feel free to be anonymous as well. Then repost this in your LJ. You might be surprised with the responses you get.


Weapon of choice.
Favorite Board Game
Favorite Video Game
Favorite Color
Favorite Video Game Console
Attack Style

Game RatingT
Hours of Gameplay22
You'll have a SidekickFalse
Your Main Attacktransforming into 10 different creatures
Money You'll Make off of It$8,080,509
Chance It'll be loved by millions


Fun Quizzes by Jason at BlogQuiz.Net
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I should have a mature rating damn it!

okay so like o_O my life is crazy.  ^ ^;

I think I may have mentioned in a previous entry I had a man. Things are going great in the relationship for the most part. He's absolutely wonderful to me.. and it's bordering on a month and a halfish now.. he's spent so much time with me.. he came in last weekend because i wanted to go to a masquerade ball (which was more like a club dance) and didn't tell me he was comming. It was very sweet. He got me a build a bear bear for valentine's day.. she's very cute and named after my dancer on RO that me met me on. Because of the crazy weather in the NE usa and canada he's been stuck here til today.. the roads here aren't looking so good either but maybe the interstate won't be bad? he has to go home today...

but here's the catch. he wants to stay.. well obviously because we adore each other yes.. but he's reached a point in his life where he's terribly unhappy with what's going on. He told me last night that he's been thinking about this since he started up classes again this year, so it's not just my crazy stories of my misadventures in stlouis and ny. He's under a lot of pressure from his family and friends... all these expectations on his shoulders and all he really wants to do is just take a break. he says school's not been interesting him, he's frustrated and just wants to get out and experience life for a change. blah blah blah. you can imagine the rest of the conversation no?

So, I told him he should talk to my mom today first.. because despite the fact she and I don't get along.. she's really a good person to talk to. Not just b/c she was a psych major or anything... but because she has been through so much. I did tell him if he wants he could come stay with me, since he's just wanting to leave everything and try you know, "living" for a while. I fear for his mental stability if this keeps up. it's really tearing him apart inside.. i remember feelin the same way before i went and stayed with chris/adam for 3 months..

the only major concerns i have are : a) his parents are going to blame his new girlfriend and b) how the hell do we go about getting him a visa so he can work here and all that shit? (shivers do you have any advice on that front???)

I adore theo, I love him to death. I just want him to be happy. I don't know what to tell him.. because it's not a decision i can help him make.. he really has to do that on his own. He's sleeping right now.. he's so adorable and peaceful when he's resting.. like a lil kid. I swear.. but he's hurting deep down and it hurts me too.. because i know there's nothing i can do other than tell him i'll support him no matter what happens and i'll be here for him. I hate this feeling of being useless..

i missed 4/5 days last week.. i'm still not feeling at 100% but next week i've got 3 days i'll be missing do to medical stuff.. they're going to do a lipiscopy and a d*c to do the biopsy since my cervix is like "FUCK YOU" when they try to do the biopsy with me awake. it's too painful, i can't handle it. I'm absolutely freaked out somewhere in side.. i know.. but really, I'm not as worried as I was before. I know that things will turn out.. however they're fated to. Theo's scheduled to come back in this next saturday... maybe sooner deepending on what he decides to do.. -sigh- Life's so fucking crazy ^ ^

I wish..

I could delve my fingers
through flesh and sinew
Softly to curl around
A beating heart.. embracing
so delicately
I would carefully
hold onto
this fragile aspect
Hiding it within the stone gardens
of my own heart
where the world's callousness
Is forced far away
I would hold the warmth
of him against me..
Needing so greatly
The gentle feel of his arms
The comfort of
his breath in slumber
Each beat, each sigh

It feels like
Standing on the edge of a prepice
So high, so free
the wind blowing harshly
You want to take wing
A leap of faith
To fly or to fall
if only you take that step
Unknowing.. as I call.
Come, come forward
Come to me..
Even if you can't see..
I'm right here, surely beside you

My hands embrace
they knead away the bruises
stitch the wounds
I'll make you better than new
just give my nimble fingers enough time
to build you up again
I'll make you safe
I'll make you strong
It's okay if you leave, after
Just give me this moment
This time
To hide against you
And I will renew your strength
I will renew your faith

It's like holding onto..
a chain made of stars..
slipping through my fingers
one by one..
just answer my silent call
you're supposed to know..
what i need
without me saying anything
because we were meant to be
at least i like to think so
maybe I haven't quite grown up yet
still dreaming of my knight in shining armor
Could we at least.. pretend for a while?

bleh.. update?

i guess i should update here more often.. especially since some people don't know about this journal.. there's so much.. x.X

let's start off with I spent new years in canada.

i'm dating a boy

i've had SEX with a boy

and i'm probably quite crazily in love.

I've known theo for a year, via RO. He was the co-leader of the guild I used to woe with. I've always had a bit of a crush on him.. but nothing major. About 3 weeks ago? We started talking again.. and discovered we liked each other.. we spent 3 days only taking breaks to sleep of talking, playing, chatting and just enjoying each other's company. on the 25th of dec we started dating, exclusively.. and over the last week of dec and through the first week of january.. we spent every waking moment in each other's company. He drove 8 hours just to see me.. spent four days.. was leaving, had invited me to go to the 3 day new years party his friends were throwing.. and after he got about 45 minutes away, i called him in tears and begged him to take me along. i pissed off my family by going.. he pissed his family off by taking me.. we pissed off customs and got stuck an hour and a half on the way back.

it was one of the coolest trips i've ever taken. I got to feel the weirdness of being one of the only caucasians in the area.. since he's asian and we went to asian malls and food eateries and all that. i tried bubble tea (i highly reccomend peppermint green milk tea with tapioca).. the foods of 4 or 5 countries.. and met 8 really awesome people. all in all.. i had one hell of a break in the last half.

i'm taking a women's gender studies course and a feminist thought course next semester.. and.. i dunno. Theo is the most amazing guy i've met. He doesn't have an ego, or at least only a very small one, he doesn't mind making a COMPLETE idiot out of himself to make anyone laugh, he's gentle and tender and isn't afraid to admit that he has faults. He has no desire to try and control me or make me anything other than I am. He's comfortable with my sexuality and my past and feels no need to 'prove he's a man and what i need' and he's.. a very very tender lover. Which makes me very happy. He doesn't care what's going on as long as I'm happy and seems to place that first above everything.. and that is something I really need right now. He puts up with my insecurities.. i could go on and on. He's just really great for me right now adn I feel very lucky to have gotten to be with him. I feel like a princess. ^ ^;

i got on the dean's list last semester! yae for having no social life so i can study! i have 15 hours next semester and i'm trying to get work parttime. so i can see where this is headed xD!

theo should be coming in to visit in febuary if all things go right.. the week after um.. x.X; whatsit. oh valentine's. although it would have been amusing to have a cheeeeesy valentine's date.. we're going to try and do something the weekend of or the weekend after.

anyhow.. there's tons more but i need to get ready for class -groans-


went to the doc today.. they're going to go ahead and test me for the condition mom has.. i've got a biopsy and an ultrasound scheduled the first week of january (going to inturrupt my friggin schooling -sigh-)..

my friend theo's hopefully going to come visit me next week.. that will cheer me up a lot!

he's a sweet heart..

not much going on otherwise though.. ^ ^; just letting you know i'm still kicking!


Dear Santa...

Dear Santa,

This year I've been busy!

In May I gave theaterkittey a Dutch Oven (-10 points). Last Tuesday I had a shoot-out with rival gang lords on the 5 near LA (-76 points). In October I got in line at the supermarket at the same time as someone else and I didn't yield (-8 points). Last Thursday chibistartk and I robbed a bank (-50 points). Last month I pushed darkvash21 in the mud (-17 points).

Overall, I've been naughty (-161 points). For Christmas I deserve a lump of coal!


Write your letter to Santa! Enter your LJ username:

Dear Santa...

Dear Santa,

This year I've been busy!

In January I gave chibistartk a life-saving blood transfusion (50 points). In August I committed genocide... Sorry about that, wolveneyes (-5000 points). In June I had a shoot-out with rival gang lords on the 5 near LA (-76 points). Last Friday I bought porn for faeryshivers (10 points). Last Sunday I gave theaterkittey a Dutch Oven (-10 points).

Overall, I've been naughty (-5026 points). For Christmas I deserve a moldy sandwich!


Write your letter to Santa! Enter your LJ username:

hehe xD anyhow.. my day was long and drawn out and I'm tired.. i have an essay to write.. then i'm totally fucking done with this semester's work -dance-


Dec. 3rd, 2005

do deh do.. classes are over -dance-

I just woke up.. i have an essay to finish this weekend.. french test on monday.. and then one more essay and I'm done with all of my finals xD

and i sent out my internet bill, my electric AND my nexus tk renewal! you shall see me in game once again! bwahahah..



I'm much more calm this morning.. I don't feel as if I'm doomed to die so much.. that's what was going through my head since I've thought for a long time I'm going to die very young. I'm more worried about my mother than anything.. But I'm pretty sure she's going to get a 2nd opinion because the doctor she's seeing is a complete idiot. Seriously, how can you get through med school and say something like "what you eat causes cancer." I know it contributes to it.. but that's not the main cause.

I'm sending out my nexus renewal stuff today; you guys will get to start to see Souris again soon! >.>; or all but what I use for ro & nexus hopefully.. and my bill for my internet.. the rest of it can go back to the school.. I should do that.. yeah.. x.x; starting in the spring semester.. I"ll have to work over the summer to payoff the rest before the new fall term but I WILL GET IT DONE.

The lil bit i have left is going for xmas stuff. I think oO;

I just feel a little.. blasse' to day.. I'm sure it's ok...

cold shivers

ok.. so i know i've not said much about it but my mom was really sick/ is really sick. she has less servere symptoms of what was bothering me last year. ^ ^; the bleeding and such.. so she went to the doctor and they did a biopsy.. and it turns out she has this thickening of the lining of the uterus that is basically the first stage of a type of uterian cancer. However, they think they can treat it with just some progesterine pills to thin out the lining.

there's like 3 stages of it.

if you get to the precancerous stage, the 2nd or 3rd, i don't remember.. but they have to do a hysterectimy..

mom'c concerned because it seems that may be what i have.. and since it's been so long since it first started happening.. there's a chance.. that.. i don't know. ^ ^ It just looks like I'm not in the clear.. I'm going to set up a doctor's appointment..

just called they aren't in ^ ^; already closed.. so I guess I'll do that tomorrow or they'll call me or something.. but yeah.. mom has very simular symptoms of what I have.. but the disease or whatever can stay at one stage and not move on to another.. but i've also gained a lot of weight in the past year or so in looking back.. a LOT.. also, when they did my ultra sound they said it looked like my ovaries were BOTH on the right side..so i'm a little worried.. but we'll see what happens. ^^; i'm sure it's nothing.


I'm so happy today, even if I'm a little tired and a *really* stressed out and tired from all the end of semester crap. (4 essays due next week..) Anyhow.. the reason I'm so haaaaaappy is because I'm the president of the new LGBT group and last night we went before the student assembly to get formally recognized as an organization on campus. ^ ^ We were unanimously approved! That means next year we should get a budget and we can run events on campus that are more "legit" than just our meetings. I'm really happy about this because it's a big step for our group.

We don't get any fundings this year but the fun thing is that we will be doing (perhaps) some lesbian/gay plays for our fundraising next semester. I need to come up with some other ideas.. we were going to have some bakesales and i forget what the other ideas were.. but we all had some reaaaally good ones.. But yeah, I'm really happy.



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