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=.=;

-siiiiiiiiiiiiiigh-

Here goes another moody post from me. WHY? because I'm moody. Nothing seems to sate that feeling lately. I'm not satisfied with anything, though I can happily saying I'm writing more than I have in years. Creative Writing class should becalled "lets learn how to write nifflie nose up in air poetry class" tho'. It's all about stylizing your poem and learning to give it "true meaning" -snorts-

i don't know what's making me moody. It might have been the doctor's visit where i lied through my teeth about taking the meds i'm supposed to take. He gave me stuff for the spasms in mys tomach from ibs but that's it. He also told me to take metamusal to stop the other more.. unlikable aspect of it besides the pain. -snorts agian!- I've not done either because metamusal caused me to end up in the hospital last semester from getting dehydrated. taking my time with things and destressing my life works much better.. and leaving acidic and fat-drenched fried foods out of my diet. I'm down from 4-5 days a week of being sick to around 2-3 depending on how stressed i get.. and usually much less severe than before. I tend to believe in holistic medicine. I've only taken the spasm pills 2 or three times +_+; maybe 4? he said the fact that it makes me "extremely disoriented" was no reason not to take it. O_O? WTF? So sure, let me go up and down flights of stairs all day so dizzy i don't know up from down, it's okay if i break my damned neck and die! (i've come close to taking a tumble a couple of times normally just from my diabetes. I'm not adding vertigo and confusion adding meds on top of that).

i want to see theo and i'm pissy because he's busy trying to get work done before he's comming into visit so he can spend more time with me. yeah that doesn't make sense to me either but i still feel that way

i am also still loosing like a pound every 3-4 weeks? which isn't too bad considering most people gained weight during thanksgiving and christmas.. i managed to loose another lb. I'm proud. lol. sort of. I saw pitures of me that theo took while i was there. YES i have a nice smile, and a pretty face and i'm a great pillow and i'm sexy. BUT I DONT LIKE MY WEIGHT. so stfu. It's not OKAY it's a serious health hazard to me. =.=;  BUT telling me i have to eat every hour but also diet to the point of eating rabbit food doesn't make this easy okay? In fact it makes it a lot harder to balance my diet because i'm supposed to be eating more than i do but my diabetes meds make me loose my diet but i get dizzy and sick if i don't eat and therefor my grades go down and what not.

It's an endless cycle of stress which then kicks in my IBS and then that pisses me off because it makes me feel like shit (literally and figurativly) and i've got 16 hours of english classes ONLY and my boyfriend's in another country and soon i'm going to need a passport to visit him and i can't afford one barely afford living expenses each month and only because i get food stamps and fucking housing assitance. my family drives me nuts, i'm also trying to decide what kind of fucking faith i want to follow and have a very nice old lady jehova's witness (which i grew up with) tellin gme she's trying to save my soul without saying that directly which pushes me more and i feel like i don't ever get a break when all i really want is: a small apartment with theo, an internet connection and my laptop, my cat and another kitten maybe.. a lil dog (chihuahua) named Pom Pom the Destroyer and my plant: Bob2. =.= and free time so i can write what I WANT to write instead of assignments about how freud would look at frankenstein as a work that's all about phallic envy and wanting to sleep with your mum =.=

fuck.

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xfirechanx
xfirechanx

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